would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
