you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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