I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
