it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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