you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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