i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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