His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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