Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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