i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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