Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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