some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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