Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
a search helicopter?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
