I just cut my nipple shaving
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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