try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize