She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
