Cold hands, warm shart.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
