Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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