nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
