uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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