How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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