worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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