No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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