Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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