So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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