I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize