I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
