There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
