This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
