the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
