You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize