i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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