A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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