Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
