I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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