yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
