"it" just moved
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
