a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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