if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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