mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
