We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize