She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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