Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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