I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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