I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
