I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
