singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
