we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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