I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
