Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
