It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
