I hate all girls vehemently.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
