yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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