So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is half of my head shaved?
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