I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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