I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
