I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize