Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
