just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You took a bar mat shot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
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