But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
