end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
