would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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