if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
3 2 1 whiskey
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
