I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
