It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
