Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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