He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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