I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
