You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
40s are totally the cure
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
