i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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